2025 Run the fake punt fantasy football league

The Team

Korey

Brad

Jason

Rob

Matt

Spencer

Erik

Van

Top 50 Facts for 2025

  1. Matt has already sent 14 voice-to-text messages today, and it’s only 9:12 AM.
  2. 13 of those were accidentally sent to his wife’s Pilates group chat.
  3. The one that actually went to the league was a 4-minute rant about why Sam Howell is “actually better than people think.”
  4. Van is still having nightmares about sweet onion chicken teriyaki sauce… from a Subway franchise that he sold in 2016.
  5. He also finished dead last in 2024, which means he gets the coveted “Pink Unicorn T-Shirt of Shame”.
  6. Jason is the defending champ, but statistically speaking, 90% of defending champs in this league don’t repeat and many are out of contention by week 8.
  7. Jason’s goatee is the most consistent thing in the league — .500 every year, even in leap years. Even. Steven.
  8. Rob will spend more hours listening to fantasy football podcasts this season than he will watching actual football games.
  9. He also wears two pairs of glasses at the same time, which is impressive until you realize one is for reading and the other is to find the reading glasses.
  10. Korey is the Type-A controlling commish, which is great if you like being fined for improper emoji use in the group chat.
  11. Korey’s interns are already mock-drafting for him… and for his kids’ future college intramural color guard leagues.
  12. Brad will miss the first waiver wire deadline because he was DJing a wedding in the mountains with no internet signal.
  13. He’ll still finish ahead of Van.
  14. Spencer is a huge Bills fan, which is adorable if you like watching hope turn into heartbreak in the snow.
  15. This year, Spencer will draft James Cook two rounds early “just to make sure I get him.”
  16. Erik has the most titles in league history, but also the record for most kickers drafted…..a position not even utilized anymore.
  17. He plays Gaelic football, which is basically American football but with fewer pads and more beer.
  18. In 2025, the Jets will still be “a quarterback away” from relevance.
  19. The Bears’ new offense will be called “Caleb and the Pips.”
  20. Matt, drunk by the 14th round, will accidentally draft a player who retired last year.
  21. Van’s sleeper pick this year is “anyone who plays for the Deadskins.” Ahem, Commanders. 2025 Jayden over-hype anyone?
  22. Jason will grill meat and drink beer at least once during the NFL season, and by “once” I mean every single Sunday whether the Bears have a game or not.
  23. Rob will yell “got him!” after every pick, thinking he has landed this seasons Godsend to fantasy football. He will still get a C- Yahoo draft grade.
  24. Korey will push for new bylaws, including a “No talking to me during my pick” rule.  The broken trophy remains though, because it adds an “authenticity” to the league.
  25. Brad will show up to draft night in sunglasses….. at 8 PM……stoned….with headphones on. And he still won’t draft a Defense.
  26. Spencer will buy a new Bills jersey before the season. The player featured on said jersey will be injured by Week 4.
  27. Erik will draft a player from the Raiders in Round 3 and call it “a value pick.”
  28. The 49ers’ defense will be so good this year that people will start drafting their backup linebackers. Even though we don’t do IDP’s.
  29. Justin Jefferson will still be really, really good. Like, “win your league” good.
  30. Travis Kelce will still be dating Taylor Swift. The Chiefs will still win the AFC. Matt will still be texting that Cam Newton is better than Patrick Mahomes.
  31. By Week 8, Van will be “mathematically eliminated” from playoff contention… again.
  32. Jason will still be hovering around .500. Unreal.
  33. Rob will draft three tight ends, “just in case.”
  34. Korey will somehow have traded for all three by the playoffs.
  35. Brad will start a player on bye week. Twice. Bagels.
  36. Spencer will lead the league in points scored… against him.
  37. Erik will be in the finals….again, even though his RB2 is averaging 3.1 yards per carry.
  38. The Dolphins will lead the league in yards per game, and Tyreek Hill will still be faster than your Wi-Fi.
  39. Matt’s kid will accidentally walk across his phone during a voice-to-text in week 11. It will drop his best player. He will beg for commish help.
  40. Van will trade away a top-5 RB for “depth.”
  41. Jason will invite everyone over for a Cubs playoff watch party. They will lose anyway.
  42. Rob will rant relentlessly about his Lexus fantasy league and still claim ours is “his main one.”
  43. Korey will accidentally leave himself logged into the league on his laptop and his wife will change his team name to “You know this shit isn’t real, right.”
  44. Spencer will wear his Bills jersey during the draft, preseason games, regular season games, during trips to Cherokee and Danville, while shoveling snow, and even during his wedding ceremony.
  45. Erik will be in another Super Bowl (shocking I know), proving once again that skill is irrelevant and black magic is real.
  46. The Lions will actually win the NFC North again. Let that sink in.
  47. Matt will send the group chat a trade offer at 2:14 AM.
  48. Van will accept it, not realizing it includes his first-round pick.
  49. Brad will be playing a video game and chuckle, while the rest of us are asleep.
  50. And when the dust settles… the 2025 champion will be… still not Spencer.